I have to admit that 2018 was one of those years where I had my ass handed to me. It wasn’t gentle or kind. It was more like that critical narcissistic boyfriend who wants to make sure that you are beyond misery, always at fault (even though you aren’t), and wanting to hide in a corner with wine….in the box.
Some of the shit show in 2018 was my own damn fault and some of it was people being people in the most undelightful of ways. Sprinkle in health woes and money ups and downs and voila….the perfect shit sundae with peanuts (FYI…I’m allergic).
As you all know, I am online ALL the time for my biz so I see the other stories of 2018 that make the whole wanting to curl up into a ball while sucking your thumb seem like a common theme for this year gone by.
Grab the last of that box wine because it’s about to get real up in here. The good news is that the knowledge I’m about to drop on you will have you toning it down to bottle wine and skipping down the flower lined path of possibility. Even if you’ve heard it all before, I suspect something here will be a gold nugget for you that will lead to a whole pot of the good stuff….gold that is.
The second half of 2018 is something that will go down in the record books for me. It was a very bumpy path to enlightenment. I finally got my head out of my ass and put my foot down. It was the year I said, “enough,” and meant it. No more being treated like a nuisance, no more crappy friendships where excuses were the ONLY thing that was predictable, no more crazy boyfriends, no more explosive crazy behavior in response to other people’s shitty behavior, and the list goes on. It was a year of looking at my ugly and acknowledging that I was allowing these patterns and people to repeat over and over and over. It was a year where I stopped accepting mediocre and being a doormat. As a result, I lost what I thought were good friends….well people I ended up realizing were only acquaintances who probably would have only blinked once if I got hit by a bus.
The outcome has been the best time in my life. You read that right. Losing people and acknowledging my shit has created a little haven of happiness that I never knew could exist. I no longer worry about being treated like shit because the people in my life won’t ever do that. I feel supported. I feel loved. I am cared for. I am more confident that ever in my ability to lead my crew. I can see when I’m playing stories and I can put a stop to it before the train derails into a very large bucket of Bud Lights. Self-sabotage is in my rear view mirror.
So what does this all have to do with getting more clients? Ohhhh sister….sooo much. All of that shit show has a direct effect on your feelings of worth and how you present yourself. People have spidey sense and it’s like a bright red caution flag for potential clients.
Here is what I urge you to leave in the past based on my experience and the changes I’ve seen since I did the same:
1. If they make you cry more than they make you smile, it’s time for them to go.
I know the memes all say don’t blame your parents, other people, or experience. You are 100% in charge…blah blah blah. Let’s get serious here. We come into this world happy and loving all of the things. We got this way due to our experiences. I grew up with a father who could have really cared less about me. I didn’t have that huggy, love you, friends-like experience growing up on top of it. This set me up to expect not feeling loved and with a craptastic impression of my worth.
In turn, I’ve purposely chosen relationships where I subconsciously knew that I would never be cared for nor develop any kind of meaningful bond. I’ve literally spend 30 years without close friendships and crying over hurt feelings and loneliness. These friendships were missing closeness in the biggest of ways – I’ve always said if I pass away that won’t be anyone who could give a eulogy because nobody knows me. It’s 100% true. Choosing people who would keep me at arm’s length was my thing.
And the gold nugget was that allowing these people in allowed the cycle of not feeling good enough, not feeling loved, and not feeling worthy to continue and this rolled right into my business. By allowing these people to leave without chasing them any more or exiting for them, I have completely changed my life and how I feel about myself and my business.
Fast forward to now where I have five beautiful people who I trust implicitly, and I KNOW love me because they show it. They help me see I am unstoppable.
+ The Discovery Calls are already increasing. Schedule one at https://suzanneproksa.as.me/discovery *wink wink
2. It is your fault sometimes. Embrace it and ditch the blame game.
Oh sister this is rough. The real deal is we all screw up. Sometimes a lot.
That launch that never got off the ground….I betcha that was a little or a lot you.
That business that fa-shizzled. If you dig deep I bet you’ll find some f* ups that only you can accept responsibility for.
And those ugly reactions to the nasty things that people do to you. Only you can put a stamp with your name on it on that shenanigans. Sure they were an ass but you had a temper tantrum like a two year old in a WalMart whose poor momma wouldn’t buy them the entire candy aisle. Annndddd…you may have put it on Facebook. #guilty
Here is what I will tell you. Owning your own shit is as uncomfortable as those yoga pants that are two sizes too small but dammit you’re stuffing yourself in there. But once you own it, show it, and move on from it and make yourself better as a result…..ooooo sookie sookie now. That shit right there is better than salted caramel ice cream with hot fudge on it. *P.S. That’s how I’ve landed in that yoga pants dilemma.
Suddenly the words, “it was totally my fault,” become super sexy because they mean you can fix your shit. This is super important to your business and those client attraction efforts. If you won’t see it and won’t fix it you are going to stay on the same merry-go-round and it’s not going to be full of unicorns.
3. Stop putting yourself in situations that replay your ugliest of stories.
I’m so fat. My friends suck. Nobody loves me. I am a horrible person. I can’t stop X, Y, or Z. I feel like crap. I’m a big fat biz failure.
Sound familiar at all? If the shit just seems to flow straight in your direction I want you to lean in for this one.
I’m just going to pick on myself for the purposes of science here. I’ve pretty much uttered all of these at some point including during the year of enlightenment.
Every damn time I get the big bowl of ice cream or shove that cheesecake in my mouth, I am allowing one of my stories to replay. I have gained a tremendous amount of weight in the last year that I would love to blame on an ex but truth be told, he isn’t putting the cheesecake in my pie hole.
By allowing people to tell me I expect too much thereby ending up at home every weekend by myself and not having anyone to call when I’m having a meltdown, I’m playing that whole I’m not worthy and my friends hate me record. Solution? Ditch the people who think I’m too much to deal with and find people who actually think of me and text, invite, etc. Seems easy, right?
The horrible person one is a little slice of heaven. If you deal with this I want you to look around and look within. Are you really that bad? Are you legit an asshole? Rule #1 – If you are, admit it and fix it. Now if people are making you feel bad because you call them on treating you crappy….ummm you’re not horrible. You’re establishing boundaries and they don’t like it because it makes THEM look bad. That’s where that whole pot and kettle thing comes into play.
Have you ever launched something, sent one email, did a couple lives and then wondered why people didn’t sign up? There is this thing called an algorithm and then there’s KLT and nobody is going to take their pants off (aka pay you) when they don’t even know who you are. You’re not a biz failure if this happens. Something else caused this shiny little red train to jump the tracks and it often points to us.
Pay close attention to the things that make you feel icky or aren’t working. Are you allowing or doing something that is perpetuating said thing? Stop it. Gold nugget served.
4. Let go of serving everyone.
I see it all of the time online. Women want to help others and have this HUGE span of influence. Hey we are damn epic and we want to share that light. Problem is if you can’t help everyone in real life you can’t do it in business either.
Now I will say that I disagree with coaches who say you HAVE to be very specific in your niche. I think you can serve a larger audience and target different people with different offers BUT you need to have a level of clarity and a zoned in audience to make it work. With health coaches it’s even more tricky because there are SO many things you can be an expert in and you have to stand out big time.
For 2019, narrow that audience and focus in on a subsection to start. You can branch out later you amazing goddess you with some tailored offers.
If you like empty bank accounts and struggling every…single…day…then stick with the helping everyone theory. If not, show that eager audience that thing that only you can give them and let that PayPal ding sing!
5. Put an end to sabotaging your success.
I will be the first to put my hand up and say I battle this one. But in my defense it has gotten way better! I can no longer be found on Canva for 5 hours (true story) while I should be creating a free training for my crew.
Have you ever found yourself with no sales when you launch?
Miss that goal of doing 5 lives per week?
Didn’t schedule that podcast or summit talk that was handed to you on a silver platter?
Mmmm hmmm…. I see you sister.
Let me guess. The first week of your launch you were on live every day and the emails to your audience were on fiya. Week 2 you ended up with a thing. Oh and the sitter got sick. You were tired. But in your defense, your husband was no help. And you couldn’t afford a VA. Girl….your friends wanted you to go shopping and you HAD to get that new handbag so you went.
Some of this could be stretched as self-care but it kind of depends on how it went down. If you had a goal and you ditched the goal rather than do a workaround….ehhhh. I schedule things to avoid this trap including time with friends. If they can’t wait a few hours to do whatever then it’s not going to happen…unless it involves concert tickets and then maybe (then I call self-care). I will actually treat myself like a child and say I can’t do X until Y gets done. It works.
Much of the time fear is what is at the root of self-sabotage. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of looking like a doof or sounding like one, fear of family and friends making fun of you, etc.
The gold nugget here is to recognize that the above happens, pinpoint what is stealing your greatness, and then put a stop to it. I can’t tell you how many times I simply have to walk away from Canva. I’m what people call “visually gifted” so I can get sucked into it for days. And shiny objects…oh I am the queen of getting all glossy eyed over something that looks like a good (or bad…refer to my ex-boyfriends) idea.
The reality is my little subconscious saboteur has a massive fear of success. I know it. I recognize it. And I squash it.
Did you recognize anything that you can relate to? What are your takeaways? I’d love to hear!
In the meantime, make sure you join my Facebook group so you can hang out with the most enlightened and hard working crew of ladies I know.